A Bulletproof Morning

Almost Bulletproof... Coffee, butter and oil.

By now there is a pretty good chance you have heard of Bulletproof coffee. It's a brand name, certainly, but is also used to refer to the current fad it has popularized, one of blending butter and oil into a cup of coffee, all in the name of health. More of less.

I want to be clear that I am not endorsing the brand, nor am I likely to try it (although I hear the beans are exceptionally good). In fact, I find many of the claims on the official web site to be a bit too extraordinary to believe, more hype than substance. But I did follow the basic recipe on the brand's site and made my own Bulletproof-esque blend at home.

The idea of adding butter to coffee is nothing particularly new. It dates back quite a long time, in fact, though more appropriately
in reference to tea. There is a good bit of history on the Bulletproof web site as well as much more through other readily available sources, which is what Google and Bing are there for. However, my own personal history with this combination began rather disastrously a few years back. I forget the impetus to try it, probably something I read online, though the precise time and occasion are lost to memory. I do recall that it was gross. And for this I blame the likelihood that I used salted butter and just stirred it in. Don't do that. It doesn't mix all that well and it tastes terrible, but it also leaves an unwelcome oiliness that, surprisingly, isn't there if the process is done correctly.

Later, I had some equally misguided notion to mix oil into my coffee. I cannot explain the reason for this, nor the experience particularly. But it was worse than the butter and may have just been something that happened in a dream while I was ill; it's that sort of memory, floating vaguely along with other impressions of things I never want to experience again, awake or asleep.

The frothy brew from the basic Bulletproof recipe.

Then more recently, I started reading about this new fad, blending BOTH butter and oil into coffee. It seemed preposterous, but apparently it was catching on and all the cool kids were doing it. They were losing weight or gaining stamina or avoiding the caffeine crash that so many apparently suffer from. The big kicker, though, was that it was getting raves for being delicious. That caught my eye.

I like delicious coffee drinks.

But I couldn't commit right away to this. The memory of my mistakes still haunted me. And the idea of an oily sensation on my tongue after each sip was almost too much. Then I went out and bought some of the proper, unsalted, organic, grass-fed butter and prepared myself psychologically. It took a bit longer than I planned and my wife used the butter for something else while I wasn't paying attention. I was strangely relieved at having dodged that bullet. A few weeks later I was out shopping again and went for some butter, grabbing the usual sticks and lingering in the aisle. It was time.

A silver package of Kerrygold went into my basket and managed to make its way home with me. I announced right away what it was for and made sure that there was plenty of salted butter there for the butter dish. I also made sure that there was a proper dark roast coffee ready to brew. All that was left was a proper day. I didn't want to rush it. I didn't want to rely on it for breakfast, either. So I waited until Sunday.

One of the things touted about this process is that it is supposed to satisfy hunger cravings for up to six hours, do to the nature of the "healthy" fats in butter and coconut oil. These are supposed to train your body to burn fat for energy (surprise, no carbs or sugars!). The fat also lingers longer in your digestive tract, subduing the craving sensation. That is all fine and dandy, but I also know myself better. I eat a lot. Not every day, but many days. I also forget to eat or push through hunger pangs when I am particularly busy or preoccupied. This was going to be a bit of an experiment for me and I wanted to give it my full attention, to see if I could judge exactly how my body would respond.

On this particular Sunday, I was given the glorious opportunity to read not one, but two newspapers.

We had decided to stay home and just sit around all day, which was a pleasant idea. I also had not read an actual newsPAPER in years, certainly not cover to cover, and not on my own couch. Yet here I was, my local LA Times on one side, it's coastal opposite,  the NY Times on the other. And my freshly blended brew in the middle.

Sunday morning done right: coffee and the newspaper.

I realized right away that I had cheated. I started my morning by reheating leftover pancakes while trying to figure out what the day would lead to. We hadn't yet decided to sit around. So there was already food, carbs no less, sitting there in my stomach. And if there is one thing that I can generally say about food, it is that it makes me hungry. In case I haven't been fully upfront, I like to eat. Not in terrible excess, though; I am relatively trim for my age and sedentary lifestyle. I just burn my calories quickly and have always craved a diet high in protein and fats. While I was blending my Bulletproof-esque coffee, I was also snacking on slices of pepperoni from the fridge, chunks of Parmesan cheese and even a large, freshly brined pickle. I figured that the coffee would fill me up and tide me over through most of the day afterward, so I took it and settled on the couch to begin digging into the papers and blackening my fingers with newsprint.

My first reaction was that the coffee was remarkably smooth. It had a lovely, frothy consistency that absolutely did not coat my tongue with an oily sensation. It was rich and buttery without tasting like butter. I give that over to the coconut oil, used in just slightly less proportion than the butter. The coconut oil also removed any desire for sweetener of any kind. While I generally have preferred my coffee black and strong over the years, I do sometimes like it sweet and creamy or even just sweet and black. I use coconut/palm sugar, turbinado, raw cane, and even, sometimes, refined white sugar. On occasion I will use honey or agave, though they tend to linger too much. And I really, really like xylitol for some reason. The cooling affect of this sugar alcohol derivative is quite pleasant, but it isn't an every-day sort of sweetener. What I never do is use artificial sweeteners like aspartame or stuff like sucralose, which I always find leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. But this concoction, with the butter and coconut oil, had just enough natural sweetness from those ingredients that it absolutely did not need anything more.

Approaching noon, I had been sitting with the paper for a couple of hours. My coffee had been refilled with more of the Bulletproof-esque brew from my blender, no longer warm but still tasty. Two mugs full, I figured that would have been my limit. But then I found myself pouring regular coffee over it, a "warmer." And this was good, too. And necessary, it turns out, because I was running out of steam and had yet to complete the LA portion of my adventure. For some reason, I was also hungry for lunch.

Eventually, I completed both papers. Probably around 6:30 pm. That included the comics in the LA Times and the fashion section in the NY Times, though (as we were simultaneously watching a Dodger's game on the television) I felt it was fine to skip the sports sections entirely. And I never got to The New York Times Magazine, either, though it is sitting next to my desk as I write this. In the meantime, I had also taken three major breaks. The first was for lunch. I was hungry, after all, so I ate a healthy but not-terribly-large collection of whatever I pulled out of the refrigerator while the family sat at the table. The second was a walk around the neighborhood with my daughter who, clearly, needed to do more than just sit around all day (and, of course, I really should stretch my legs once in a while). The third was for dinner, which I decided to cook and then eat too much of.

A note here on the branding of Bulletproof. I cry foul at many of the claims on the company's web page. There is some definite pseudo-science at play here, or at the very least a sense that unjustified or highly subjective extrapolations are being made based on limited data. The very expensive MCT oil being hawked is nutritionally almost identical to the organic, virgin coconut oil I pick up for about 1/5th of the price; their MCT oil is supposed to be "6x stronger," but there is no indication as to what that actually means and, frankly, there is virtually no difference in either calorie count or how much comes from saturated fat. Clearly, their oil is heavily refined while mine remains closer to nature. The official video of the company founder making his signature blend also has him looking oddly tired, not at all like he claims to feel after a regular diet of this stuff. But that all may be beside the point, especially if you are simply looking for another way to enjoy your coffee, which is what I had set out to do.

My first big takeaway from the day was that there was definitely a feeling that the Bulletproof-esque coffee was good enough to have again, but not quite up to the hype. I see the appeal and it is pretty darn easy to make (easier than a proper cappuccino, even), if more cleanup than I want on a typical morning. Right now, I have a cup of the beverage on my desk with me. I have increased my butter and coconut oil to good effect and improved upon the experience of my initial attempt. It is, still, delicious and worth repeating, but not something that I would make a regular part of my routine. On the other hand, it seems right for those mornings when I want to linger a bit, or savor a mug over a bit of work to transport me momentarily into the illusion of luxury. Because this blend is full and soft and deep, which is, in its way, quite satisfying.

My next big takeaway from that Sunday was that, truly, the New York Times is a great paper. While the Los Angeles Times is proficient and well-written, something about the NY Times makes it eminently readable and engrossing; it feels coherent, objective and yet pointed, even provocative. Plus, it is just put together well. Maybe next time I will be able to throw a good Chicago paper into the mix, for balance (Tribune or Sun Times... maybe both), but I dare say I will have to make it a two-day study.